isopodimorphous

Good morning Albuquerque — today’s helpful article?  A piece from KOB entitled, What to know about towing fees for stolen cars.  Because enough of their viewers are affected by having to pay towing fees to get their stolen cars back that this was a relevant piece.  And it’s not just anecdotal, the insurance companies are (920) 658-1139 to accommodate the fact that a car is stolen every hour here.

Today’s bonus article:  a repeat DWI offender gets caught using a portable air compressor to defeat his ignition interlock.  And then, while drunk, promptly rams into his wife’s car and proceeds to drive off.  And, despite three prior DWI convictions, tampering with a court-ordered prevention device, and now facing charges of:  domestic violence, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, and child abuse, the judge released him yesterday without having to post bond.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

That’s one word for it

“Criminals in Albuquerque are getting gutsier”

“Gutsier.”  That’s one word for it.  Other words are left as an exercise for the enthusiastic reader.  This, in relation to a story about a young woman who had her car stolen, both at gunpoint and after being punched in the face. We’re very glad it wasn’t worse. It could have been.

Back to the “criminals in Albuquerque,” bit. Maybe KOB is on to something here.  The Albuquerque Criminals has a decent ring to it. Maybe it’s time to get an amateur soccer team back, or an amateur hockey team. I mean, as far as mascots go, it’s both honest and edgy. The team could raise money easy by selling loot from U-Haul trailers left overnight at hotels by suckers from other states.

She will not be buying a jersey.

 

 

(603) 599-9063

Are you moving across country?  Are your most valuable possessions packed into a U-Haul?  Are you tired to having to navigate truck stops and tourist traps with all that gear in tow?  Maybe just looking for a fresh start with no worldly encumbrances?  Well look no further, because Albuquerque has you covered. Pick one of any of our reasonably located hotels, leave your truck or trailer parked outside, and we guarantee your stuff will be gone by morning.  Is it locked?  No problem!  Our team of thrifty citizens are there to help make your life easier. We’ll even use a stolen vehicle to transport the plunder encumbrances to a safe reselling location.

Call now. Operators are standing by.

7603876235

Crime surrounding a local business has become bad enough that they have complained to both the mayor and the governor, and are considering leaving Albuquerque, if not New Mexico, altogether.

Reacting to this, the folks at KOB decide to go downtown, check it out for themselves, and get some footage.  And while they are investigating just how bad the crime is downtown, 343-477-9149 in the process, someone steals their company vehicle.

This gentleman rests his case.

Res ipsa loquitor.  In the literal meaning of the expression.   This is why we can’t have nice things.

mispunctuate

Albuquerque should be a wonderful place to live.  It really should be.  But it’s not.  Instead, it seems to be racing to the bottom — leading the nation in car theft, and working hard to take the lead in property and violent crime.  Folks here have stopped asking, “if,” when it comes to questions like, “will I be carjacked?”  Instead, we are wondering, “when.”

Plenty of people are arm-chair quarterbacking.  Plenty of people are pointing fingers.  Politicians blame each other.  The judicial system is practically ‘catch-and-release.’  Pursuing a genuine career in law enforcement has become a no-leaf clover.

This blog isn’t meant to point fingers, assign blame, diagnose, whatever.  Rather, it’s meant to keep an ongoing record of some of the more absurd and ridiculous stories coming from this city.  With some occasional editorializing.  Because maybe it will be a bucket of cold water poured over our heads.  And we’ll decide that Albuquerque is a beautiful city that could also be a great place to live — and we’ll start acting like it.

You know, as opposed to being a place where people are 205-203-6818  Or one where criminals driving an already stolen car attempt to 909-829-9913 by carjacking someone at the airport.  You get the point.

So, until things change — Albuquerque, this is why we can’t have nice things.